I always wrote of joy but why don't I write something sad. I tried to write the very first feelings when the girl left her lover.
Its my first try in this mood. Your "suggestions" are requested.
Its my first try in this mood. Your "suggestions" are requested.
So you knew my heart was beating for you,
Still you just passed by,
Crushed my feelings, broke my dreams
and left me to cry.
The moments the golden ones,
we spent holding hand,
a tide came in life and ,
swept it like it all made of sand.
What should I do now,
when you are gone,
where to start from,
I can't move on
I still remember
the first sight of you
wondered to see what GOD created
stunned standing not a single clue
the decency the innocency
the glittering golden shade
that hypnotic smile
never meant to be fade
You had so much gadgets,
I only had you.
you are still the rose and
I'm the wiped dew
You used to tell
you won't leave me alone,
what have you done now,
were then child and now you are grown!!
pillow is drenched in the water,
flooding from my eyes.
what have you done to me,
there can never be such demise.
So you knew I can't live alone,
Still you just passed by,
Crushed my feelings, broke my dreams
21 stones hit me....wanna throw more??:
Too gud,buddy....liked it.
Who's your partner to fold her hands (in the topmost picture? ;-)
@spandan:
this is not my original mode of writing
had to feel the pain of separation and then found this image, so just posted it :)
really a good poem,
made me to remember something which i was never supposed to forget.. but i did..!!!
;-)
@harnarayan:
you can never ask anything in return if you LOVE....
:)
its nice to see that my poem touched you
sorry. didn't read the complete poem.
But don't worry, you'll get over it before too long.
@anonymous:
this poem is not defining my state....I just thought to the extreme and wrote it. I just imagined how will it be when such disaster happen..
Anyways Thanks for your caring comment buddy
kya arvind bhai tum to kamaal kar dis
dhoti faad rumaal kar dis...
:)
Madhavan::Ek aur pehlu Mohan bhai ka,gazab likha hai :)
@ madhavan: thanks buddy :)
its nice.. but as u have done powerful writing in your first try... with more coming ahead, you will turn into the best.
@Abhilash: thnx buddy...thnx for ur compliments
nice poem....but could do with a bit more stylization...something like Dylans 'its all right'...still....nice..
Ah! Nicely written... Some grammatical misakes but can ignore them... Keep going!
you reminded me of some thin
Don’t Hurt me ♥ | Love Unloved, Care Uncared, Heart Cries Out, Poem
@Abhijit: its first of its kind from my pen...will try to do better...thnx for the compliments buddy
@ GvSparx: thnx buddy :)
Dear Arvind, Ability to pen what you feel deep inside is tough. We all connect with human emotions, I can feel what you intend to communicate. However, as I said, finding words to reflect your emotions requires mastery over the language, especially an alien language is not something which comes naturally to most of us. If you want me to be honest, your poem is ordinary and fails to do justice to your thoughts. I have not read your other posts my friend but I would guess you can do better writing prose.
You are free to delete this comment but I thought its an obligation for the reader to provide honest feedback. Thank you for inviting my feedback.
Hey Mayank,
I'm truly grateful to you. Its my pleasure to have reader like you.
Also there is one thing I hold with myself "I'm improving".
I'm sure that I'll come up better next time.
Also a deep thanks to you for being honest.
This is not a stone. :-D It is a flower petal. Nice post! I particularly like the picture in the end.
@ Vidya:
was just being prepared for the worst. :D
appreciate your feelings....thanks for this wonderful petal. :)
Very good poem...
@Rajendra: Thanks :)
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